By His Design

The upside-down Kingdom

2012-02-12T12:42:00.003-06:00

A Kingdom where the greatest must become the slave of all.

where the most intelligent and awarded is told to become like a child.

where the only way to truly receive is to give it all away.

where we are made perfect by confessing our faults.

where we are made as white as snow only after recognizing our own filth.

where we are filled up to be poured out

where we are called to boast in our weaknesses

where serving and brokenness are the way to wholeness.

where you must lose your life to find it.

This is the Kingdom of God.

This Kingdom, of course, is actually right-side up. It's the way to truly live.

Because all of us, at one point or another, have lived in total opposition to this Kingdom. We've lived for ourselves. We've lived as if we are the most important, the center of our own universe - pouring our thoughts, relationships, money and time into making our own names great. And if we are wise, every one of us can see that that kind of living only resulted in pain, in more brokenness. That old way is actually the one that is upside-down.

There are few places this Kingdom is seen more tangibly than in marriage. Because the only way to truly love is to lay down your life. But it's in this laying down of our rights that we find true fulfillment, pure joy. It's the way of Christ, the only road to real and lasting contentment. Don't we all need this reminder?

"Marriage is not a place to 'stand up for your rights.'

Marriage is a decision to serve the other.."

(1 Corinthians 7:4 - the Message)

And just because she says things so well, here are a couple of quotes and links to Ann Voskamp's recent posts about marriage...

In this first one, she shares a love note to her hubby...

"That you can’t wonder why love’s wearing thin when you’re wearing a thick layer of self."

"If the highest love gives the best gift – is the best gift the gift of the everyday?"

This post is a must-read...

"Love is not passion. It is the pulse of sacrifice."

"This is how to make love out of a marriage:

Love lays down it’s own wants to lift up the will of another."

"Love let’s go of it’s plans — to hold on to a person."

Happy Valentine's week! I pray that my marriage - your marriage too - will point to a Kingdom of true joy. May our loves grow more and more as we learn the way of the Kingdom! <3

content

2012-02-08T19:42:00.000-06:00

there's so much joy around here lately.

With my big girls (finally) sleeping all night (woohoo!),

I'm feeling much more in tune with them and the world in general, ha!

My sweet Gracie has had a hard time since I got home from the C4C retreat 2 weeks ago.

She's super clingy and has been pretty anxious to be left anywhere without me...

even the next room.

But I'll take that.

And I'll squeeze her tighter, cuddle her longer,

whisper "mommy loves you" a few dozen extra times until she feels better.

And then I'll just keep at it.

Because I'm coming to realize she's not the only one who has needed that extra cuddle time.

{I have too.}

I've needed to remember what's most important.

The squeezing and kissing and playing and reading books and laughing and dancing

and (her favorite) looking through photo albums of the past 21 months.

I am just so content with our life.

These are precious days, my friends.

the mommy who Jesus loves

2012-02-01T13:23:00.002-06:00

Hey friends! God truly blessed the time He gave me to get away and go to Created for Care last weekend. You know, I really expected to be given a lot of information about adoption, to be broken again for the tragedies of children without mommies and daddies, to gain a brighter picture of what we're supposed to do "next." But that's not at all what I found at C4C. The word that keeps coming to mind when I think about last weekend is freedom.

Through precious, creative, worshipful time with the Lord, through new relationships with moms who share similar stories, and through being taught by moms who have raised many children, God was showing me that it's all about Him and that has brought me so much freedom. Throughout the weekend, these are the messages He kept sending...

"I am your Source, your Shield, your Refuge."
"I will give you wisdom"
"I have a plan for you"
and more than any other message I heard... "I love you, I love you, I love you."

It took me by surprise the tears that welled every single time a speaker would say how much Jesus loves me. It surprised me because I'm supposed to know this, right? I've been told this all of my life. I've taught this to countless others. I'm seeking to teach this to my children every single day. And maybe that's why this message brought me to tears... in the midst of teaching His love to others, I haven't really given much thought to His love for me.

As I've confessed before, this motherhood journey magnifies all my weaknesses. I never really feel like I'm doing enough, saying enough, playing enough, BEING enough. But when I focus on His love for me, I realize that I'm not the One who needs to be enough for my children. He is already all they need. I just need to follow Him and chase after Him. And when His love drives and empowers me, I will be the mommy I need to be.

On Sunday morning, just before I left to make the long drive home, Beth Templeton spoke a powerful message to my heart. In the gospel of John, John always refers to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." I've always thought that was odd. It sounds kind of arrogant, don't you think? Why does John think Jesus loved him more than the others? Or since scripture is Spirit-inspired, did Jesus actually love John more than the others? Beth pointed out something I'd never thought of before. John's identity lied in the great love Jesus had for him. He KNEW how much Jesus loved him. He didn't question Jesus' love for him. And since we know that God loves us all the same, it wasn't really that Jesus loved John more, but that John's identity was in Jesus' love! Contrast John to Peter. Peter boasted of his great love for Jesus, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and death!" (Luke 22:33) But yet, when the trial came, who was the disciple that had the strength to stand by Jesus? It wasn't Peter - he ran away. It was John who had the strength to stand at the foot of the cross.

If my identity is in what I can do for Jesus, I have no strength to stand the test. But if my identity is in Jesus' love for me - now that is Love that will stand. So if I continue to feel like I need to love him better, be better, do more, take the next step - frantically chasing Him with my own abilities - I will fail. But when I can center myself on His Love, knowing that He will lead me, then I'll have the strength and wisdom to move when He says move and be still when He says to be still. Such freedom!

And so I'll take this step. I'll try to see myself as the "mommy who Jesus loves" or the "woman who Jesus loves." His love is so immense that we all really can be "the one He loves."

He who did not spare His own Son,

but gave Him up for us all-

how will He not also, along with Him,

graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

warning: random!

2012-01-24T12:38:00.002-06:00

well, good grief. 12 days and no posting? So sorry, friends. I'm sure you're just aching to hear more of my ramblings, right?? :-) I knew it.

We've been a little under the weather (what does phrase that even mean?) around here, but we are on the rise!

I'm heading to Created for Care in Atlanta this weekend and I am so excited! Remember my shameless friend plea a few months ago? Well, God is good and He connected me with a new friend who is in the process of adopting her first baby girl from Ethiopia! We'll be rooming together and I'm so excited to share this weekend with Kayla and meet lots of other adoptive momma's too! I'll be away from my sweet ones for 3 nights, and I'm a little nervous about that... but they will get a day with Nana and Grandpa and a whole weekend with daddy all to themselves, so I'm sure they will hardly miss me! It's just that I'll miss them a whole lot. (Side note: this summer was the first time I left them overnight and both nights I was away, I woke up frantically searching for them at my friend's house. Them? They slept just fine without me there! Oh my, I think I'm losing it!)

In other news, I've been reading Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis and I'm definitely being blessed by it! What a beautiful life she's been led to. Reading more about her life makes me ache for Africa and the spiritual wealth I experienced when I was there. It's kind of crazy to live here in the comfort of American culture where we feel so justified to build up treasure for ourselves here on earth, all the while claiming to follow Jesus. Katie's life challenges me to seek out the hurting and ask God what He wills with my life for this day, right where I am. I don't want to miss opportunities He places before me.

"The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in small ways. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!" (2 Corinthians 6:12-13, The Message)

This also brings me to conversation between my man and me about when/if/where we might buy a house. I am so longing for a house. For a yard, a garage, walls to paint, extra rooms for family and friends to stay, etc. But we don't want to buy a house just because that's what "we're supposed to do." Or even because we want to. We just truly want to be right where God's hand places us. And for right now, it's here in this apartment in an area of town that's far away from everyone we know and places we go. The old carpet makes it smell of old cigarettes and there's no grass anywhere around us and every wall is stale white. But the price is good and the space is enough; it's our happy place, the place where my family lives and loves and laughs, our place of security and acceptance and joy and growth. And our door opens directly to 3 other families that live in the space surrounding us. And I'm kinda grateful that most of them are smokers, because that means they are outside quite often, so we have more opportunity to get to know them. There is one neighbor in particular that I think we've been put here for. And so, who am I to stamp my feet like a toddler, complaining and living in discontentment because I want a house? I have everything I need and then some more. And so I am choosing contentment and joy about our home. Because the reality is that my home is wherever that good looking man and sweet baby girls are. And they are right here. And whenever God provides and chooses for us to move, we'll be content in that too. Being able to stay home with my treasures is worth the wait for financing a home. Being a light in this apartment community is worth the wait of a new neighborhood. Growing more dependent on our Father is worth whatever He asks of us. Which really makes apartment living seem so miniscule. He is just so patient with us. We have so much.

***********************************************************************************

Okay, now for some snapshots of Thrasher life as of late...

lots of play and pretend and dress up, lots of together and laughter and fun...

Have a very blessed week, sweet friends!

catching up on gratitude!

2012-01-12T14:43:00.001-06:00

okay, so I am way behind on posting my daily gratitude gifts! I have slowed up a bit with my journal, but I'm hoping to pick the pace back up and find God's grace in each moment! I had to go way back, but here's my latest moment blessings!

354. Emily's joy abundant

355. long, tight hugs from my big brother

356. mom's gift of home making

359. loud meals with lots of family

361. my entire family belly laughing as my girls entertain

362. the way that laughter just egged them on to be sillier and sillier

363. the way they love to be delighted in

364. coming home to Logan

365. skyping with the teen girls I love so much

366. as I put them to sleep, they intermittenly pucker up to receive kisses

367. Grace's affectionate hand on my cheek as she drifts to sleep

368. I never tire of being called "mama"

369. a road trip with my mom

370. late night pillow talks with Em

371. letters from Laurel to keep for a lifetime

372. stepping back to see His hand over it all

373. Gracie's tiptoe dance

374. Kaylee's shifty eyes

375. beautiful January sunshine

376. they way He romances my heart toward Himself

377. When I hear Him speak to my weary soul

380. moms who understand

381. lifetime friendships

383. the look of joy and excitement on Emily's face when she wore "the dress!"

c'mon, you didn't think I was going to show you the dress, did you?

384. bouncing in their cribs as they wake

385. parks, walks, ice cream and book stores with my 3 sweethearts

387. sleep progress!

389. knowing the way to a friend's house

391. when my girls blow on my belly and laugh hysterically

395. spending time with dear friends who live far away

my shepherd

2012-01-10T14:14:00.000-06:00

okay, time to get naked.

this week has been hard. It's been h-a-r-d. It's been one of those weeks when I have felt physical stress almost everyday. I have felt completely empty of energy, wisdom, patience, you name it. I have been challenged day and night.

Now, I hesitate to even post this. I'm not looking for sympathy. In fact, I don't need nor want sympathy. But I want to be real on here. I can't tell you all the joys and leave out the difficulties of life. Do I find joy in this life stage of parenting? YES! greater joy than at any other time in my life! But I would be amiss to leave out the fact that some days, weeks even, are just.plain.hard.

Sunday was the climax of the hard week. I had a bit of a meltdown and just needed to get out in the wide open air to breathe His peace. To drink deeply of His Spirit. To center myself on Him. Because, you see, this is what I have been missing. This is why hard days have beaten me down... because I've been empty of Him and full of myself.

So I went to a park and just started running. I ran up this road in a lakeside park (well, let's be honest, I walked about half of it! :-)) and when I got to the top, there was this grassy green area with a naked tree that was just calling my name. So I went and stretched and then spent about 20 minutes just laying there under that tree, with the blue sky and fluffy clouds it's backdrop. And I just breathed deeply, let Him in. When my spirit had rested, I got back up and found a trail that went into the woods surrounding the lake. I jogged, prayed, talked, tried to be silent. Then I saw a small beaten path that led to the water's edge. I followed it and sat there by the ripples of the cool lake air on the beautiful water's surface. "God, I need a word from you. Please speak life to me today." And there I sat for a long time, just letting the groans of my spirit do the talking. Then I thought about Psalm 23 and started saying it out loud. After the first time, I just wanted to say it again. Then I started paying attention...

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green patures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

Excuse me?!?! Tears. Laughter. My heart was caught in my throat. Is that not what He had just done for me? He made me lie down in a green pasture, He led me beside quiet waters. He was restoring my soul! Oh, God, you are just so good to me.

And then I think, how many times has the Lord been speaking to me in the midst of this stress and I haven't had ears to hear Him? He longs to woo us, to quiet our spirits, to restore our souls. What an amazing Father I have!

You better believe He gave me strength to face the day. Is the hard still hard? Yes, but when I can face challenges with the knowledge that my God goes before me, walks beside me and really cares about me... I can be strong in Him.